From Satan to Saviour:
An Ex Satanist’s Story by Deborah Hawkins.
The below summary of her story was taken from Caleb Keogh’s blog.
From Satan to Saviour
At school for fun we made up our own Ouija board and tried to contact a spirit. We also played games of levitation. I found out my Gran was a spiritualist and went to meetings, she would read my palm when I was little and tell me my future.
Abuse: At home,
I realized my father was not who he seemed to be. Whilst drunk he would come into my bedroom to touch my body and kiss me. I became afraid of my father, at other times when playing in the local park; I also experienced other forms of sexual abuse and never told my parents because I should have been at school.
Rape: Age 13 years
I was so unhappy that I started to runaway from home and school. This got me into lots of trouble. I hung out with bad company and was introduced to drugs and alcohol. Later, at thirteen I was subjected to a multiple gang rape; which caused me deep physical and mental damage, the men responsible went to prison. Every time I ran away I was vulnerable and open to people whose motives were evil.
Confinement and Running Away: Age 14 to 16 years
Because I refused to go to a normal school I was placed in an approved school and on one occasion was locked up in a cell as a form of punishment. Often absent from school and my family home I would hitchhike up and down the motorways, sleep in barns, under stairs or even in a telephone box.
I survived by stealing things and selling them to get money. I often took an hallucinogenic drug called L.S.D best known as Acid, smoked Cannabis, and took other drugs. After a fight with a policewoman causing her actual bodily harm, I went to court and was placed in a women’s borstal where I stayed for 16 months.
I rebelled all the way, cutting my arms with glass, tattooing my skin with pencil lead, and generally being unhappy. Whilst in borstal I caused a riot after I heard that my mum died of cancer and I was put on a psychiatric unit for six months.
During my confinement my world was opened up to the occult, I made a strong bond with a girl who also knew about acid and we became friends, we prayed together the Lord’s Prayer backwards to see if a spirit would appear.
Later, I got discharged from borstal and I went home, but my dad did not want me, blaming me for my mother’s death, so I ended up back on the streets, homeless. I hitchhiked around the country as an empty soul, just drifting, with no belief that my situation could change or that I even had a future. I did not feel loved by anyone. Later I stole books on witchcraft and black magic and linked my heart and passion to Satan.
After several weeks of invoking Satan to appear, at exactly 3am I encountered a presence, this presence was evil and it filled the room, inside I felt my soul was being pulled from my body and a sense of madness filled my mind, I had offered Satan a deal, my soul, for his power. That night the devil had come for my soul, I backed out slowly from the room and ran up the stairs shouting NO!
I was pursued up the stairs by the violent sound of thundering hooves, they cantered at a very fast pace. The man who took me in was a relapsed Christian, he woke up and realized I had done something terrible, as he heard the thundering of hooves pounding on the stairs he spoke with authority these words, in the name of Jesus Christ, get behind me Satan!
The presence left us as we both heard the thundering of hooves going back down the stairs to disappear. As I sat on the bed shaking a gentle powerful presence of the Holy Spirit was felt by us both and I realised that the name Jesus Christ was stronger than any evil.
I ran away and never went back to the house. Later on God showed me in the scriptures that Satan was a guardian anointed cherub who was cast out of heaven because of his pride, and that Satan is the accuser, the destroyer and is now on the earth.
I was led to Ezekiel chapter one verse seven where it shows the angels that had legs that were straight but their feet were like a calf, as cloven hooves that shone like burnished bronze. Satan, who appears as a false light, who prowls like a lion, who speaks through a serpent, can also be similar in appearance to those seen in Ezekiel’s vision.
Confused: Age 17 years
I was now 17 years old damaged, frightened and confused, I was back on the road. Standing in the rain a car pulled over and offered me a ride. I got in the car and noticed straight away a sticker on the dashboard, which said, ‘I am the way, the truth, and the life’. I asked the driver what it meant. For the rest of the journey this man gave me a lecture about Jesus and who Jesus was. Because I was disturbed I could not take in one word he said; I did not understand.
But he sowed a seed. His Christians friends tried to help me but I ran away again pursued by demonic voices that told me to kill myself.
Later, I joined some witches who were forming a coven and on Halloween I was initiated into Witchcraft. I had chosen a Witch’s name. During the Halloween celebrations we all dropped some acid tabs (L.S.D) I suffered a bad trip and had a complete mental breakdown, I lost consciousness twice.
When I woke up, I was never the same. I could not communicate properly. I thought my food was poisoned. I saw distortions of my face in a mirror and dark eyes moving rapidly under my own eyes.
I believed everyone else could see my madness. I could not socialize or mix with people in any way. I slept very little and sat on a bed screaming and rocking, I was tormented and suicidal, I was in hell.
A doctor told me that I was a paranoid schizophrenic. But I was truly demonised but did not know it at that time. How would I recover from this?
A year later: Age 18 years,
After much sufferingI was sitting on my bed when I felt my mind and body separate, this is known as detachment or a disembodiment experience, I was so terrified I screamed out to Jesus to help me. That seed that was sown a year ago by a driver who picked me and witnessed to me about Jesus, that seed suddenly sprang into life.
I kept calling out the name Jesus, JESUS CHRIST HELP ME! A loud cry came from the very depths of my soul. Within a few minutes, I felt a powerful presence of love and peace, it was so powerful it lifted me up out of all the darkness and torment.
That day for the very first time in my life I felt normal.
All the voices in my head had gone. Later someone explained that I got saved. All desires to smoke cigarettes or to drink alcohol had gone. All mental disturbances had ceased. I realised something wonderful had happened.
You see it is only Jesus that can heal a broken heart and a broken mind. No doctor or tablet can do that.
Jesus came into my suffering and madness. Jesus saved me and turned my life around.
I was delivered of demons and with my sanity returned I went to church. My life was transformed because I called upon the Saviour Jesus Christ.
Other Areas of Attack:
Many years ago my unbelieving husband tried to kill me. Two attempted murders by strangulation, I was left for dead each time but God spared my life. One more attempt happened when he held a crucifix above my chest and threatened to stab me with it. God protected me.
Jesus said; I am the way, the truth and the life. There is no other way. There is no other God. And you cannot get to God any other way except through his Son Jesus Christ. Do not be foolish, surrender your pride and cast aside your rebellion while you still have time. Jesus said, he came to destroy the devils work (1 John 3:8)
Jesus paid a very high price for your sin, he died on the cross for you, he shed his precious blood for you, like a lamb he was led to be slaughtered, he did this for you, so that you would repent of your sin, be saved and have eternal life.
Don’t let Satan destroy you Jesus loves you. For God so loved the world that he sent his one and only Son Jesus Christ so that everyone who believes in him will not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16.
Satan seeks to be worshiped so he will entice you into occult practices, into the spirit world, Satan will steal your joy, your identity, your future, your family, your peace, your heart and your very soul.
Known as the father of lies Satan masquerades as a false light. Satan is not fussy who he takes, he is the destroyer, his aim is to destroy you, because you are made in the image of God and God sent his Son Jesus Christ to earth to save you.
Satan knows his time is short and hell is prepared for Satan and his angels, but Satan wants to drag you there as well, do not perish by refusing the truth of the gospel, it is better to fear God who loves you than listen to Satan who is a murderer, liar and thief.
Jesus does not want one soul to perish, so do not reject the truth of the gospel of Jesus Christ. There is not one problem that Jesus cannot solve, no sin too bad he cannot forgive. What Jesus did for me he will do for you!
I have been blessed with six children and six grandchildren even though I wasn’t sure I could have children. I have been healed of Systemic Lupus a life threatening illness, I am blessed.
The greatest miracle of course is the day I got saved.
Salvation is eternal and the mercy of God runs deep.
I am now single and have been for a long time. I have been celibate for eighteen years because I want to honour God with my life and walk in obedience, my future is in his hands now.
I qualified as a counsellor at college even though I had very little education, and God has opened doors that no man could open. God is truly amazing and I am so very grateful that God through Jesus Christ heard my cry.
Whoever calls upon the name of the Lord will be saved. (Rom 10:13)
God bless you, Deborah Hawkins.
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The above summary of Deborah’s story was taken from Caleb Keogh’s blog.
For similar testimonies, or radio interviews of myself with Ex Satanists/New Agers/Occultists over the years, please see HALLOWEEN
and also SATANIST.
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