‘I am an ex pagan, and I practised witchcraft, yoga, shamanism, I was a trained crystal healer. I wrote e-books on crystals, fairies, chakras, etc. I am now a Christian. I’m starting a blog and writing an e-book about my past and also about my future as a Christian.’

Samantha Grayson wrote that on my blog article, where I invited readers to submit their testimonies! (See Your Testimony Wanted.)

She has kindly gave me permission to share her testimony below. Thank you Samantha!

Life Before I Was Christian.

“I started my spiritual journey looking for a way to heal from sexual abuse. I turned away from Christianity and turned to the new age and paganism. As nearly every one on that path will tell you, I believed there was no devil. I was on a path of love and light.

Once though, I was recommended to a book, which was written by a well respected researcher.

Lucifer AKA false angel of light, Satan, Destroyer, etc.

The book had quite a lot of information about Lucifer. It had a different version to the Christian line of thought. Lucifer was still seen as a fallen angel, but it was said that he fell to earth to save mankind. Lucifer was changed into a Jesus type figure, who had sacrificed himself in order to save mankind.

Yet, he also had differences to Jesus. Instead of being as holy as Jesus, Lucifer was a saviour that had been strongly misunderstood and had been a bit badly done by.

I felt I could connect to him. I felt that I understood him. He was more on my level. Living in the footsteps of Jesus seemed an impossible ideal to live up to. Lucifer seemed more human, more like I was.

As I said I never worshipped Lucifer, but I think if there had been a fight between Lucifer and Jesus I would have been supporting Lucifer …

(Laura’s note : To read about New Age Luciferianism, please see this article by my friend Julia).

Lilith, also known as Kali, Succubus, Jezebel, etc.

… Another figure that I had compassion for was Lilith. Lilith was said to be the first wife of Adam, only she was strong willed and refused to commit to him. This was seen as the ideal woman.

She was also a prostitute. She used sex to be in control of situations. She was empowered and knew her on mind.

The other goddess I was drawn to was Ishtar/Inanna. She was the goddess of fertility, love, war and sex. She also was a prostitute.

As someone who was healing from sexual abuse, this was very confusing. I was trying to reclaim my body as my own, at the same time as believing sacred prostitution was the way to go.

I am not ashamed to say I was always a prude. I didn’t want sex without marriage, I didn’t want to strip naked. I wanted to save myself for marriage. I wanted someone pure in my life, for once.

Yet, I was made to feel as though there was something wrong with me for wanting this. There was part of me that felt I couldn’t be healed until I wasn’t such a prude. I needed to feel empowered for not selling my body.

These teachings were dangerous for me. I am not the only woman to have survived sexual abuse, that means there are others that are like me. I am not alone.

Instead of empowering them, these teachings have the potential to put women into dangerous situations.

Samantha

Christianity has empowered in more ways than anything in my past has done. It has given me a new sense of freedom. I will post more about this in another post. But I do want to say that if you have ever been the victim of sexual abuse, do not think that there is no place for you. God loves you.

When I was a pagan, I thought Christianity was corrupt, and guilty of many cases of sex abuse. Yes, people who called themselves Christians have abused, but Christianity isn’t about those people, there is so much more to it than that.

Just because you have been broken, does not mean that you are not worthy of God. Christianity allowed me to raise my self esteem in a way that paganism didn’t. Christianity has allowed me to see the good in the world, not just the bad.

I give thanks to God every day, that he did not give up on me, and I know that he will never give up on you too.”

See link to Samantha’s blog, Joy Within My Heart.

NOTE : I mention the importance of people checking out the true source and identity of their so called goddesses, spirit guides, angels, fairies, etc, in my article Test The Spirits.  Laura Maxwell.