‘My Home Is Yours If You Don’t Mind The Devil.’ by Rich Doak.
From ouija, paganism, witchcraft – visit from a demon with totally black eyeballs and canine like teeth – to hearing the audible voice of God, being healed of drugs with no withdrawal or rehab!
Rich kindly gave me permission to share his incredible journey on my blog.
My name is Rich Doak. I’m a former New Ager/Occultist turned Christian. Let me start out by saying that growing up in my family, Christianity was put out there like, “There’s a church, go if ya want, or not, it’s up to you.”
One of my earliest childhood memories is one of suicidal tendencies. For whatever reasons every time I would walk up the stairs to my bedroom, i would think about hanging myself. I would walk by the kitchen drawers and think about slitting my wrists. Finally one day I told my mother, “I gotta talk to someone about this.” They made me an appointment to talk with a psychologist.
Truthfully I don’t really remember what we talked about. This is going to sound really absurd but keep in mind i had no christian up bringing. One nite i had this dream that i was playing basketball with this guy who was wearing a white robe an purple sash. Then next day i tell my mother about it and she says, “It sounds like Jesus is telling you he’s gonna help you thro this.” I thought ok, i will try this church thing.I went for a little while. Then it just fell flat. I heard a bunch of stories but nothing that actually helped me. So i quit going.
Now obviously i didn’t physically kill myself. But emotionally i became dead oto everyone around me. You know the expression “cold as ice”I was beyond that.Meaning you can feel the cold from ice. Me i felt nothing whatsoever.People became objects to me merchandise something to be used. I would tell you whatever you wanted to hear as long as i got what i wanted in the end, i didn’t care what happened to you. B/c in the end i would discard you like garbage that needs to be taken out.
This was the programming i used for years. I remember a couple incidents with my mother during those times. One day she asked me”what’s ur problem with Christ?”I told her, ‘It’s an unrealistic expectation. The bar is set to high, no one can ever achieve that.So why bother trying when ur gonna fail anyway.’
By this time i was in my teens working full time and still in school. I remebet coming home after cashing my check i set it on the kitchen table and ran upstairs to change my clothes.When i came back down my mother had set a bible on top of my money. I told her, “You need to move that.” She said, “You want your money all you have to do is pick it up.” I told her, “Never mind, i don’t need it that bad you can keep it.”then left.
The other thing she used to do that stands out was occasionally she would turn on a Christian program. I would walk outta the house and sit on the porch. She came out an asked, “Why don’t you come in the house and watch it? You might like it.” “Nope, I’m good, so long as that’s on I’m not going in there.” So along with using people like merchandise, i eventually adopted the slogan,”My home is your’s if you don’t mind the devil.”
Now remember this b/c it’s gonna come full circle before I’m done. Eventually i got into Ouija boards. Right from the onset i had this rebellious attitude. I remember reading the instructions with a buddy of mine about the do’s n don’ts of using the board. I told him this is ridiculous let’s just push it and see what happens.We got a hold of this alleged person.
So immediately, i said If your really here then prove it. All the windows were closed in the trailer i was living in. We had a single candle lit in the room. It went out like some one snuffed it out with their finger and thumb. My reply was, “Woah, really that’s weak!”I threw the board up on the shelf. Never once did i ever close any session. I simply tossed it aside. My buddy left. I walked through the whole place, making sure all the doors were locked and the windows closed. I walked to the end of the hall to my bedroom. Got into bed and threw tha blankets over my head ready to fall asleep.
That’s when i heard it. Heavy foot steps coming from the living room, down the hall and stopping at my bedroom door. I just laid there rationalizing it away, as if it’s all in my head. That’s when i heard breathing in my ear.The best way i can describe it would be like the raspy breathing of Darth Vader. Again i held my breath b/c i was pretty sure i was only freaking myself out.
As i lay there the breathing continued on the outside of my blanket. I would like to say that i ripped the blanket off my head. But truthfully i laid there terrified until it stopped and i fell asleep. I eventually bought a house and met my kids’ mother. The next part is why i said to remember the statement, “My home is yours if you don’t mind the devil.”
As i was sleeping i awoke feeling as if someone was staring at me. Looking towards the foot of the bed i saw this full blown demonic manifestation. It was about 5’5″” tall. It’s skin was gray in color and wrinkled in texture like that of a prune. It appeared more or less human, like in it’s physique. With 3 exceptions. It’s eyes were completely black, not black eye sockets, but literally black eyeballs. It’s teeth were like that of a canine. And it’s hand had fingernails that are best described as eagle’s talons.
For a moment we just stared at each other.I nudged my ex wife and said”Look do u see that?” She looked right at it and said”. I don’t see anything” ‘Thats what i was afraid of,’ i said. Then it spoke.”She can’t see me, this is for you” By this time i’m bolt upright in bed and moving back towards the headboard.
That was the moment I felt its hand wrap around my ankle then it tells me, “Come on, it’s time for you to go with me.” I remeber saying, ” The hell with that, i’m not going anywhere with you.” With my free leg, I kicked it square in the chest. I know I connected because I felt the impact. Instantly the room lit up like a welders flash and it disappeared. I fell back on the bed staring at the ceiling.
That’s when I felt it. I was paralized and there was the ice cold sensation coming over my feet and continuing up my body. I remeber taking one deep breath before it fully covered me. I dont know how long I was stuck there. I sat up in bed gasping for air. Now most people would have run from it. Me, I ran to it because I knew that was real, I had seen it. That was crazy. Even crazier, when i saw the same image in a magic book later.
Eventually I crossed paths with a lady who practiced witchcraft. We became friends and she taught me many things. Spells, riturals, and such. One day she gave me this one particular book on the history of magic. I remeber it very distinctly because of one of the pictures I found in it. It was a drawing from the late 1800’s. It showed a guy sitting up in bed talking to the Devil at the front of the bed whose woman slept in the bed beside him. All this did for me was reinforce there’s really something to this. I just continued to go deeper into the occult.
I was all prepared to commit myself to paganism, had the ritural all prepared for the next night. Before going to bed that night I walked outside into the blackness of the night. I looked up into the sky and said, ” I wanna talk to the creator of the universe. I’m talking to you, I don’t wanna deal with your waiter staff. By this time tommorow I will be fully pledged to paganism. If this isn’t what you want from me then you better give me a sign, other than that, i’m doing it.”
As I slept in bed I woke up and went and made a sandwich, turned on the tv. Now you need to understand that in my house the religious channel was never allowed on, ever! Now low and behold on the tv there was an evangelist. Looking right into the camera she said, ” You wanna a sign from God, here it is, Have no other gods before me.” In shock I turned off the tv and went back to bed.
I did not commit to paganism, but I didnt give up the occult either. My ex wife gave birth to our daughter and eventually our son. So for the sake of doing the right thing for my children we got married. My life just continued to get darker. I continued branching out into the occult.
Eventually started using drugs. Pot turned into cocaine and eventually turned led to crystal meth. Their was a span of 10 years drug addiction, everyday one or all three of them. I was using every day. The only intelligent thing I did was send my kids over to my parents house for the weekend. Then partied hard for days at a time.
This is the part that most people have a hard time to belive. I had just returned from picking up my children from my parents house. While sitting on my couch watching them play on the living room floor I heard a voice say, “If you don’t stop, they’re going to end up in foster care.” When I say I heard a voice i’m not talking about hearing your own thoughts. I mean literally an external voice.
I turned and looked at my ex wife and said, “I quit, I’m done, I’m not losing my kids.” She asked, “What do you mean done?” “Im done with the drugs.” She said, “Go ahead if you want to be a goodie goodie, but im not.”
That next morning by the grace of God i’ve been clean ever since. Thankfully I experienced no rehabs, no withdrawals, nothing! By the grace of God that chapter of my life was closed like a book.
My children’s mother and I ended up filing for divorce because our lives were taking two different directions. I just wanna clarify I was drug free but still involved in the occult.
When my ex wife moved out during the time leading up to our divorce, she left the kids with me. Which suited me fine because I knew they were safe. Having said that there was nothing stopping her from coming and picking them up whenever she wanted. I remember one day in particular when she came and picked them up.
As my ex drove off, I saw my two kids waving at me through the back window. The pain was unbearable, i walked in the house . Nickelback was playing on the stereo, their song called “Saving Me” I fell on the living room floor, laying there in fetal position, balling my eyes out. I rolled onto my back with tears streaming down my face, i listened to the lyrics.
Then finally i spoke.”Jesus i know You are out there and we haven’t spoken in yrs. But here’s my deal.”I quoted the part of the lyrics that says, “Show me what it’s like to be the last one standing. Teach me wrong from right and i will show you what i can be and i will leave this life behind me…Jesus you give me my kids and I will give you me.”
It doesn’t sound manly but its honest.Thats exactly how i came to talk to Christ after yrs of silence. The months passed and eventually I met the woman who is now my wife. The divorce got finalised and I was granted the custody of my kids. All the while paid no thought to the ‘deal’ I made with Christ.
After the divorce, we moved to a different town. This is all leading up to the moment that changed everything. I walked across the road to meet my neighbor who would eventually become on of my best friends.
Obviously I didn’t know him from Adam. He shook my hand and said, “Do you know Jesus, because He wants you?” Instantly everything came flouding back. I knew I had to make it right. So I asked him, “What do I do?” “Accept Jesus as your Savior,” he replied.
“Okay I got that but, what church?” I asked. I love what he said next! ” It’s not so much the about the church you go to. It’s getting His words inside of you. It’s about a relationship, not a religion.”
The next Sunday, we as a family attended church. I accepted Christ right their in front of everyone. Yet though people were there, it was almost like they weren’t there. Meaning that feeling that came over me was like …how can I describe it? Like finally making it back home, a place where you are so loved, it floods the atmosphere and every pore of your being.
Forgiveness is given to you. When I got home it was like I needed to get all of the occult stuff out of our house. So I went through the books and graphs and charts, candles and stones. Took them outback and started a fire in the fireplace and piece by piece threw them into the flames and renounced my involvement in witchcraft/occult.
I remeber the hardest thing for me was to throw my pendulum. I held it in my hand and tossed it into the fire. A couple months later I’m working in the yard and my wife comes out. Holding it in her hand, a chain dangling from her fingers! ” I thought you burned this?” she asked. ” I did.”
I took it back again and threw it into the wood stove. I’m convinced that was the enemy’s attempt to try and gain access into my life again! No demon has ever visited me again, because now I’m protected by Jesus. Today, I have been a Christian for about 11 years. The walk has been worth it. Jesus is definately there, thank God he pursues us!
If I could share one thing with you it would be this. Do not take someone elses opinion on who or what Jesus is like, pastor or anybody else for that matter. Take the time spent in his word and prayer and foster a relationship with Him.
Dont belive the lie that says you are beyond saving. Don’t become so proud you can’t learn anything new. His word is alive, let it speak to you. It’s not a book of condemnation, but rather a book of undying love.
Well my testimony is now in Scotland. Kinda crazy for me to think about really. But I’m at peace with my story. Because the guy I was then, is no reflection of who I am today.
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