For a moment we just stared at each other.I nudged my ex wife and said”Look do u see that?” She looked right at it and said”. I don’t see anything” ‘Thats what i was afraid of,’ i said. Then it spoke.”She can’t see me, this is for you” By this time i’m bolt upright in bed and moving back towards the headboard.

That was the moment I felt its hand wrap around my ankle then it tells me, “Come on, it’s time for you to go with me.” I remeber saying, ” The hell with that, i’m not going anywhere with you.” With my free leg, I kicked it square in the chest. I know I connected because I felt the impact. Instantly the room lit up like a welders flash and it disappeared. I fell back on the bed staring at the ceiling.

Sleep Paralysis

That’s when I felt it. I was paralized and there was the ice cold sensation coming over my feet and continuing up my body. I remeber taking one deep breath before it fully covered me. I dont know how long I was stuck there. I sat up in bed gasping for air. Now most people would have run from it. Me, I ran to it because I knew that was real, I had seen it.  That was crazy. Even crazier, when i saw the same image in a magic book later.

Eventually I crossed paths with a lady who practiced witchcraft. We became friends and she taught me many things. Spells, riturals, and such. One day she gave me this one particular book on the history of magic. I remeber it very distinctly because of one of the pictures I found in it. It was a drawing from the late 1800’s. It showed a guy sitting up in bed talking to the Devil at the front of the bed whose woman slept in the bed beside him. All this did for me was reinforce there’s really something to this. I just continued to go deeper into the occult.

I was all prepared to commit myself to paganism, had the ritural all prepared for the next night. Before going to bed that night I walked outside into the blackness of the night. I looked up into the sky and said, ” I wanna talk to the creator of the universe. I’m talking to you, I don’t wanna deal with your waiter staff. By this time tommorow I will be fully pledged to paganism. If this isn’t what you want from me then you better give me a sign, other than that, i’m doing it.”

As I slept in bed I woke up and went and made a sandwich, turned on the tv. Now you need to understand that in my house the religious channel was never allowed on, ever! Now low and behold on the tv there was an evangelist. Looking right into the camera she said, ” You wanna a sign from God, here it is, Have no other gods before me.” In shock I turned off the tv and went back to bed.

I did not commit to paganism, but I didnt give up the occult either. My ex wife gave birth to our daughter and eventually our son. So for the sake of doing the right thing for my children we got married. My life just continued to get darker. I continued branching out into the occult.

Eventually started using drugs. Pot turned into cocaine and eventually turned led to crystal meth. Their was a span of 10 years drug addiction, everyday one or all three of them. I was using every day. The only intelligent thing I did was send my kids over to my parents house for the weekend. Then partied hard for days at a time.

This is the part that most people have a hard time to belive. I had just returned from picking up my children from my parents house. While sitting on my couch watching them play on the living room floor I heard a voice say, “If you don’t stop, they’re going to end up in foster care.” When I say I heard a voice i’m not talking about hearing your own thoughts. I mean literally an external voice.

I turned and looked at my ex wife and said, “I quit, I’m done, I’m not losing my kids.” She asked, “What do you mean done?” “Im done with the drugs.” She said, “Go ahead if you want to be a goodie goodie, but im not.”

That next morning by the grace of God i’ve been clean ever since. Thankfully I experienced no rehabs, no withdrawals, nothing! By the grace of God that chapter of my life was closed like a book.

My children’s mother and I ended up filing for divorce because our lives were taking two different directions. I just wanna clarify I was drug free but still involved in the occult.

When my ex wife moved out during the time leading up to our divorce, she left the kids with me. Which suited me fine because I knew they were safe. Having said that there was nothing stopping her from coming and picking them up whenever she wanted. I remember one day in particular when she came and picked them up.

As my ex drove off, I saw my two kids waving at me through the back window. The pain was unbearable, i walked in the house . Nickelback was playing on the stereo, their song called “Saving Me” I fell on the living room floor, laying there in fetal position, balling my eyes out. I rolled onto my back with tears streaming down my face, i listened to the lyrics.

Then finally i spoke.”Jesus i know You are out there and we haven’t spoken in yrs. But here’s my deal.”I quoted the part of the lyrics that says, “Show me what it’s like to be the last one standing. Teach me wrong from right and i will show you what i can be and i will leave this life behind me…Jesus you give me my kids and I will give you me.”

It doesn’t sound manly but its honest.Thats exactly how i came to talk to Christ after yrs of silence. The months passed and eventually I met the woman who is now my wife. The divorce got finalised and I was granted the custody of my kids. All the while paid no thought to the ‘deal’ I made with Christ.

After the divorce, we moved to a different town. This is all leading up to the moment that changed everything. I walked across the road to meet my neighbor who would eventually become on of my best friends.

Obviously I didn’t know him from Adam. He shook my hand and said, “Do you know Jesus, because He wants you?” Instantly everything came flouding back. I knew I had to make it right. So I asked him, “What do I do?” “Accept Jesus as your Savior,” he replied.

“Okay I got that but, what church?” I asked. I love what he said next! ” It’s not so much the about the church you go to. It’s getting His words inside of you. It’s about a relationship, not a religion.”

The next Sunday, we as a family attended church. I accepted Christ right their in front of everyone. Yet though people were there, it was almost like they weren’t there. Meaning that feeling that came over me was like …how can I describe it? Like finally making it back home, a place where you are so loved, it floods the atmosphere and every pore of your being.

Forgiveness is given to you. When I got home it was like I needed to get all of the occult stuff out of our house. So I went through the books and graphs and charts, candles and stones. Took them outback and started a fire in the fireplace and piece by piece threw them into the flames and renounced my involvement in witchcraft/occult.

I remeber the hardest thing for me was to throw my pendulum. I held it in my hand and tossed it into the fire. A couple months later I’m working in the yard and my wife comes out. Holding it in her hand, a chain dangling from her fingers! ” I thought you burned this?” she asked. ” I did.”

Jesus overcomes our enemies

I took it back again and threw it into the wood stove. I’m convinced that was the enemy’s attempt to try and gain access into my life again! No demon has ever visited me again, because now I’m protected by Jesus. Today, I have been a Christian for about 11 years. The walk has been worth it. Jesus is definately there, thank God he pursues us!

If I could share one thing with you it would be this. Do not take someone elses opinion on who or what Jesus is like, pastor or anybody else for that matter. Take the time spent in his word and prayer and foster a relationship with Him.

Dont belive the lie that says you are beyond saving. Don’t become so proud you can’t learn anything new. His word is alive, let it speak to you. It’s not a book of condemnation, but rather a book of undying love.

Well my testimony is now in Scotland. Kinda crazy for me to think about really. But I’m at peace with my story. Because the guy I was then, is no reflection of who I am today.