I was never possessed, nor witnessed any demons manifest themselves before my eyes, nor was I part of any Satanic coven that sacrificed animals, drank the blood of babies, etc. However, I did experience what I, and others would regard as paranormal occurrences and witnessed demonic possession in other people, which I will mention later on.
I understand that man’s fallen nature is prone to lies and exaggerations, which makes me mindful not to let my imagination run away with me and spice up my testimony to make it appear as something akin to a Hollywood horror movie. I’m also mindful—as someone that now takes my relationship with Jesus Christ seriously—to be truthful and honest under the ever-watchful eye of the Most High God.
I had an apatheistic upbringing, meaning: my parents weren’t interested, nor couldn’t care less whether God existed or not and taught me nothing religious or spiritual. I, on the other hand, and from a very young age, was very much interested in “the meaning of existence” and read many books on various religions and spiritualities, trying to make sense of my own sentience and purpose in the world—which quickly escalated to being fascinated with witchcraft. I must have accumulated about 60 books on the occult by the time I was 12 years old.
By the time I was in my mid-teens, my interest in the occult expanded to the darker side and I was reading books written by Aleister Crowley, which I found hard to grasp, but his style of writing was mesmerising to me nonetheless. At that time, I was also reading books about black magic and even wrote a letter to Satan in my own blood asking for certain powers in exchange for my own soul, and then I burned the letter over a black candle.
Nothing came of this, I was young and didn’t know what I was doing. I also tried casting a few spells, and again to no avail, nothing happened. Why? Maybe because my knowledge of what I was doing was still in its infancy and I wasn’t treating it seriously, or perhaps it was because I was being protected by a higher power, i.e., God, whom I neither knew, nor cared about. I had no idea that God cared about me and my dabbling into the witchcraft was dangerous.
By the time I reached my late teens, my interest and experimentation with witchcraft had ceased, and it was around that time that I was first introduced to something I knew very little about—Christianity.
I made a new friend in those days that was a “born again” Christian and he educated me about the life and times of Jesus Christ, how to obtain salvation and eschatological matters pertaining to the rapture, the Antichrist and the second coming of Jesus, etc., which I found intriguing and thirsty to know more. He arranged for me to visit the church he attended, which was an Elim Pentecostal church, to further my understanding about his faith. I had never been to a church service before in my life, let alone a Pentecostal one and I didn’t know what to expect.
On arriving, I found the service to be very exuberant, with people singing and throwing their hands up in the air, they seemed full of joy. Then the church went quiet as the pastor gave his sermon. After his sermon, he told the congregation to close their eyes and bow their heads, and asked if there’s anyone that hadn’t given their life to Jesus and if they’d like to do so by putting up their hand. My friend gave me a nudge. I was hesitant at first, but found my hand rising.
The pastor then told me to go to a room where a church elder would meet me. I went accompanied by my friend and I was asked by the elder if I’d like to utter out loud the “prayer of salvation”. I agreed, confessed of my sin, asked for forgiveness and asked Jesus to come into my life. I felt a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I felt renewed. I was then advised to go on a “nurture course”, which I agreed to. The course lasted about 6 weeks and then I was baptised in water (full immersion). A few weeks after that, I was baptised in the Holy Spirit and began to speak in tongues.
I believed my relationship with the Lord was strong in the first 6 months after committing to Him. I burned all my books on witchcraft, went to church regularly, took Holy Communion every Sunday, told my friends and family about Jesus—which subsequently ended my friendships, because my friends didn’t like the “new me” and my abstention of the ways of the world, and my family thought I had gone insane, but that didn’t deter me from sowing the seed, and I carried on telling those that knew me, as well as those that didn’t know me about Jesus.
However, my relationship with the Lord wasn’t as strong as I first thought; there was still sin in my life that I made excuses for. I still hadn’t properly submitted my life to Jesus and put Him first. I was deliberately sinning and I believed if I constantly said sorry to the Lord, all would be forgiven, all would be fine. I obviously didn’t know what the word “repentance” truly meant, which might explain why I wasn’t growing in the Lord the way I hoped for.
It was around that time that I noticed unscrupulous goings on by the leaders in the church I went to, and I challenged them about it. Even though there was still sin in my life, I still took the “moral high ground” and mishandled the situation badly. When Jesus said in John 8:7, “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.” and in Matthew 7:5, “Thou hypocrite, first cast out the beam out of thine own eye; and then shalt thou see clearly to cast out the mote out of thy brother’s eye.”, obviously went through one ear and out the other with me.
My confrontation was met with verbal abuse and I lost my temper with them and I was kicked out of the church. Hatred started to creep into my heart and I made the mistake of blaming God for the actions of men. My life started to go downhill from then on.
Shortly after being excommunicated from the church—not only had hate crept into my heart, but also doubt. I began to believe my short time spent as a Christian was a waste of my days and that I’d been brainwashed by a load of “Jesus freaks” and I tried to back up my mindset by reading anti-Christian books—mainly by Richard Dawkins.
Yet, I was quick to forget the many “proofs” I had seen whilst as a Christian—pertaining to the authenticity that Jesus is indeed Lord and very real, e.g., the encounters I had with demon-possessed people, witnessing the Holy Spirit descend like a gust of wind upon a woman in church as she was being prayed for, and a prophecy that was very specific about me that came true.
I’m not sure why I had the displeasure of stumbling across people that were possessed by demons when I was a Christian—and for reasons unbeknownst to me—the demons decided to make themselves known through them. Maybe I was at the wrong place at the wrong time and they saw the Holy Spirit within me, or maybe I did something that offended the demonic realm (the church I went to was heavily involved in spiritual warfare), I’m not sure.
Their characteristics were similar; they would, after seeing me, move around like they were controlled by another force and get very angry and utter profanities at me. I would like to point out that I’d never met them before; they didn’t know me, nor I them. I wasn’t carrying a Bible, nor wore any Christian symbols. They couldn’t of known I was a Christian by my outward appearance. I will briefly illustrate 2 incidents :
– One day, I was walking by a spiritualist church and a medium was walking towards me to go into that church. When she got closer, she started getting very angry and quickly scurried around me and shrieked in a hysterical voice, “you think you’re washed in the blood of the Lamb? Your days are numbered!” I carried on walking not knowing what to say. In hindsight, I wish I’d turned around and shouted back, “greater is He that is in me than he that is in the world!” But I guess I was kind of gobsmacked by her sudden outburst and lost for words. How did I know she was a medium, you may be wondering? I was to later meet her again, after falling away from the truth, at that very same spiritualist church. How foolish was I!
– On another day, I was sitting on a bench minding my own business waiting for a bus, when a man appeared—his head was shaved to the bone, including his eyebrows and he was dressed in red. He froze at first, then started having spasms, then he ran straight up to me and started making occult gestures with his hands—as if he was putting a curse on me and he was blabbering in a tongue that was alien to me.
He was very close to me at that point and I could see the hatred mixed with fear in his face and his facial movements looked surreal as well—as if several entities were fighting to express themselves simultaneously. I was in shock, I didn’t say a word and then he left. Again, like the previous incident, I wish I had quoted scripture back at him, or at least riposted something like, “I rebuke you in Jesus’ name!” But I was lost for words yet again. I prayed to God for spiritual protection straight afterwards though.
I must note, no demon-possessed person ever freaked out on me after I’d fallen away from the Lord, which to me, is now evident that I must have been on the right path when I followed the Lord.
After seeing what I saw, then to give up the truth to replace it with doctrines invented by demons, must make me one of the most wretched people ever to disgrace the Lord.
And yes, my foolishness gets worse …
After reading books that advocated atheism, I was satisfied that Christianity was false, but I wasn’t convinced (at that time) that atheism was for me, so I sought out other paths, which brought me to Wicca. I became a Wiccan.
I went to a few gatherings (moots), but I didn’t get on well with other witches, so I became a solitary practitioner. I was evoking the “old gods”, mainly from Celtic and Anglo-Saxon mythology, because I felt it would be more effective to relate to the gods of my ancestry.
I was casting circles and spells. I saw no “gods” appear before me, but I could feel their presence and something watching me. I noticed on many occasions after casting a spell from my altar that the temperature in the room would go colder and the temperature specifically around my altar would be warmer, and it would linger for a few hours afterwards. At first, I was getting the results I was hoping for, but later on, the outcomes started to turn sour.
For example: I had this neighbour who would continuously play loud music, and after asking him plenty of times to turn down his music, he took no notice. So I decided to cast a “banishing spell” on him to move address. About two weeks after, he did indeed move away, but left me a going away present by breaking into my flat and robbing me. Then shortly afterwards, my neighbour was replaced by an even noisier neighbour—who later was to compel me to move address.
It was around that time that I developed an interest in spiritualism. I went to few spiritualist churches around my town, but I mainly attended the church I aforementioned where I met the demon-possessed medium outside. (I know, right? No bigger fool than me!). I saw her there once, but this time she said nothing to me and I nothing to her. I’m not sure if she remembered me.
I later found out that she wasn’t from the area and would go to that church to fill in for the local mediums from time to time. I would frequently go there twice a week. Once on a Sunday, which they would call a “Divine Service”, and once on a Thursday, for an “Open Circle”, whereby trainee mediums would attempt to give you a message from the spirits.
The vast majority of the time, I found the mediums/channellers to be frauds that used techniques such as cold and hot readings, but occasionally there would be one that was accurate in telling me things they couldn’t of known—almost always saying they had a message from my dead grandmother, and they would describe the physique and character of her to a tee. The demons knew quite well that I was fond of my grandmother when she was alive and it’s not surprising that they would masquerade as her.
I found it baffling that almost all of the people that went to that spiritualist church identified as a Christian. I asked a few of them about these scriptures: Leviticus 20:6, “I will set my face against anyone who turns to mediums and spiritists to prostitute themselves by following them, and I will cut them off from their people” and Ecclesiastes 9:5-6, “For the living know that they shall die: but the dead know not any thing, neither have they any more a reward; for the memory of them is forgotten. Also their love, and their hatred, and their envy, is now perished; neither have they any more a portion for ever in anything that is done under the sun.”
But they would just shrug and say the Bible shouldn’t be taken literally. It made me wonder which parts of the Bible they believed in and which parts they didn’t to identify as a Christian. That reminds me, one time when I was talking to a medium about the afterlife, he told me that Christian fundamentalists who believed and took literally John 14:6, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me”, after death, were trapped in some kind of dark spiritual plane due to being “not open-minded enough” and needed help from mediums that were skilled in astral projection to go and show them the light.
Some other things I found baffling about that church were : they would often say Lord. Jesus. Christ, but never together in one go, like, Lord-Jesus-Christ; they believed in the existence of angels, but not demons, and they would recite the Lord’s Prayer for protection before and after a service.
I was told by different mediums on a good few occasions that I was psychic and I should try and develop my gift. However, I noticed they would often say the same thing to other people in church too, so I didn’t take them seriously. On reflection, demons know that people like to feel they are special by being told they are psychic, and many venture into mediumship because of that.
I will tell you about an incident I had, which exemplifies the dangers of communicating with the so-called dead :
One Sunday, I decided to visit another spiritualist church that I’d been to a few times before. The medium for the evening was popular in my district and regarded by many as trustworthy, the real deal. During the service, he asked if he could come to me, meaning: do I accept or dismiss to listen to the message he has for me from the spirits, by saying yes or no. Mediums will always ask this first, because they believe speaking causes vibrations, which is crucial in proper contact between our world and the spirit world.
I, on the other hand, now suspect it’s because demons need permission to come into your life, and then, very often, cause mayhem—which is exactly what happened to me. Me being a fool, said yes. He told me that I was always looking for answers about which was the right path to follow and that the answer was right in front of me, but I’d inadvertently put a smokescreen in the way so I couldn’t see what was obviously right before my eyes and that I had to figure out what it was by using methods I’d never used before (typical mind-messing demon talk right there).
Of course the spirits didn’t plainly tell me what it was, or what I needed to do, to help me out, because they knew me and knew it would mess with my head, and unclean spirits delight in confusion. He went on to say, that in late January (four months time), I would be moving address.
Sure enough, in late January, I did move address. However, it was no peaceful departure. Two weeks earlier my neighbour (the even noisier one that replaced the noisy one I mentioned earlier) was being, you guessed it, noisy. The walls in my flat were thin and I could hear him arguing with his girlfriend in a drunken state.
He began to smash things up in his flat, then unprovoked and for no good reason, decided to take his anger out on me and shouted unfounded accusations at me about things that were obviously to do with his paranoid delusions, and he began to smash things against the walls. I told him to be quiet or I’d phone the police, which only infuriated him all the more, to the point he was now shouting threats to kill me.
To cut a long story short, he tried to break into my flat armed with a knife to kill me, and fortunately for me, the police arrived in the nick of time and arrested him. But they had to release him the next day. I asked the landlord to evict him, but he didn’t seem to care and said he wanted him to stay—even after all the damage he caused to his property that he had to repair. By now, my neighbour had a vendetta against me and was making my life hell. He drove me over the edge and I ended up obtaining a crossbow to kill him. Luckily, a friend talked me out of it and said I could stay with her until I got somewhere else to live.
It wasn’t until recently, that I remembered the words the medium had said to me and realised his prediction had come true (under unpleasant circumstances). Then I remembered the time I put a banishing spell on my previous neighbour, which subsequently led to me having an even worse neighbour who tried to kill me, which may make you wonder if there was any connection between the two. It seems apparent to me now that my dabbling with magic was the root cause of that incident—furthered by having contact with the so-called dead.
The lesson I’ve learned is to never practice magic, especially if you’ve ever formerly given your life to the Lord Jesus Christ; nor to ever visit mediums in the hope—no matter how attractive it may seem—of having contact with a dead loved one. Demons don’t forget!
But, my foolishness continues to get even worse…
Years later, after losing interest in Wicca and Spiritualism, I had become a staunch atheist—believing all my past “otherworldly” experiences were explainable through rational means. Nevertheless, I still had an emptiness within me, which I frequently filled with copious amounts of alcohol. I had become a drunk. I wouldn’t drink every day, but most days to help alleviate the meaningless of my existence that I was so convinced of.
One day, I came across a book called The Satanic Bible, by Anton Szandor LaVey, in a well-known bookshop. It was cheap and my curiosity got the better of me, so I ended up buying it. After finishing it, I was surprised to find it wasn’t what I had expected. I was expecting blatant Devil-worship and advice on how to sell your soul and stuff like that.
However, I found it was about hedonism, secular humanism, I-theism (being your own “god”) and striving to get the most out of life. I was also surprised to find that the book portrayed Satan as a symbol, an archetype and not as a literal self-aware being. I liked what I had read and quickly ordered his other books. I resonated with Anton LaVey’s teachings and found them compatible with my atheistic worldview, and it was then that I identified as a Modern/LaVeyan Satanist.
I took heed of:
– The Nine Satanic Statements—these give a firm foundation for the Satanist.
– The Eleven Satanic Rules of the Earth—laws of social interaction.
While trying to avoid:
– The Nine Satanic Sins—guidelines for what Satanists consider to be non-productive behaviour that should be eliminated from one’s daily existence.
As an atheistic Satanist, I recognised no other deity that was worthy of worship except myself. I believed I was the master of my own life and I had the power to change the world around me to fit my own needs and desires through Lesser Magic (psychological manipulation) and Greater Magic (ceremonial magic), which is ritual magic for influencing the outcome of someone for a desired purpose by reaching an extreme emotional state and sending forth a visualisation of what you want to happen, which, if your levels of adrenaline are high enough—will permeate the unconscious minds of those you wish to influence. It’s usually performed when the victim is asleep.
That being said, most LaVeyans these days just practice Greater Magic for psychodramatic effects and don’t actually believe it has any supernatural power.
I viewed Satan as a symbol of rebellion, a symbol of individuality and a symbol of non-conformity that goes against the grain of society, and I aspired not to worship him, but to be like him.
I sought to become my own “god”, to become my own authority, my own power. I sought to get the most out of life by any means possible—as I believed my life on earth was the only one I would ever have and no day of judgment, heaven or hell would await me.
I was haughty and hubristic and believed I was better than 99% of humanity. I was a misanthrope and advocated eugenics and that only the “most worthy” should breed.
I was against anything philanthropic and believed strongly in Darwinism, in that nature (I called Lex Satanae) should be allowed to rid the planet of undesirables and not to be interfered with. I believed charity was a symptom of weakness that needed to be stamped out.
I strongly agreed with the writings of Friedrich Nietzsche, Jean-Paul Sartre, Ayn Rand, Helena Blavatsky to name a few and found they complemented my Satanic philosophy.
I believed that man wasn’t made in the image of God, but vice versa—God was made in the image of man. I came to view the God of the Bible (YHWH) as an uncompassionate megalomaniacal psychopath, concocted by a most despicable mind, and I came to view Jesus as a babbling schizophrenic. I had become extremely anti-Christian. I had forgotten the days when I had a relationship with Jesus. I really had become lost.
I wasn’t public about being a Satanist and only a few close friends knew about my beliefs. I thought it would’ve been unwise and counterproductive to be overt about my Satanic philosophy and practices to the general public. I never dressed like a Goth, walked around with an inverted pentagram dangling down my neck and I had contempt for people that did.
I dressed normally to go unnoticed, to blend into society—except at particular times when I dressed to use Lesser Magic to give myself a favourable appearance to appeal to the visual sense of people I wished to manipulate. Satanists regard outward appearances as very important, which are explained in The Satanic Witch, another one of LaVey’s deceptive books.
I was an independent Satanist and I only met up with two other Satanists in real life, and those meetings didn’t go too well. LaVeyan Satanists tend not to get along with each other. It’s like putting a clowder of cats in a room—scratches almost always ensue. I’m talking about LaVeyan Satanists here and not the bona fide Satanists that control our world—those guys are a totally different kettle of fish of course.
I was never a member of the Church of Satan because I didn’t like the way their organisation went after the death of Anton LaVey, nor their current high priest—Peter H. Gilmore.
I did, however, join two prominent Satanic networks and spent three years engaging with Satanists, Luciferians, Setians and various other LHP-ers from across the globe. Most of the members were angry kids who were into Black Metal and thought joining a Satanic network was cool, but there were a few who were erudite in Satanism and I learned a lot from them.
It was there that I learned that LaVey wasn’t what he made himself out to be, in that he plagiarised other people’s writings and passed them off as his own and also that he greatly lied about his background and past achievements. It came as no real surprise, as LaVey writes in Satan Speaks: “I’m one helluva liar. Most of my adult life, I’ve been accused of being a charlatan, a phony, an impostor. I guess that makes me about as close to what the Devil’s supposed to be, as anyone. It’s true. I lie constantly, incessantly. Because I lie so often, I’d really be full of shit if I didn’t keep my mouth shut and my bowels open.”
I guess he was just being a true child of his father—Satan. Jesus said in John 8:44, “Ye are of your father the devil, and the lusts of your father ye will do. He was a murderer from the beginning, and abode not in the truth, because there is no truth in him. When he speaketh a lie, he speaketh of his own : for he is a liar, and the father of it.”
The more knowledgeable Satanists merely viewed LaVey as a “doorman” into “proper Satanism”. Some said that he was just a showman using Satanism for fame—which he got, and fortune—which didn’t work out for him very well, as he died a pauper. While others said that he was covertly a theistic Satanist and secretly believed in Satan’s existence, and he created his branch of Satanism to appeal to atheists to dupe them into following Satan without actually believing in him. I now personally believe it was the latter.
There’s a quote by Roger “Verbal” Kint (Kevin Spacey) in a film called, The Usual Suspects, which goes: “The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.” Not only does Satan not want you to believe he’s real; he also wants you to praise and follow him as well—which is LaVeyan Satanism in a nutshell.
After getting to know numerous Satanists online, I found it uncanny that the majority of them were ex-Christians that had a similar story to myself. They too had bad experiences with other Christians and made the same mistake I did, i.e., they blamed God for the actions of men. Even though they claimed to be atheists, they still had a deep resentment for a deity that they professed didn’t exist.
Perhaps their so-called “disbelief” was a mask they put on to cover up their anguish they felt was due to being let down by the Church and God. This is why I think it’s paramount that sincere Christians need to show the world that not all Christians are hypocrites, to help counteract the negative stereotypes about Christianity that we’re constantly being bombarded with today.
I regret wasting many years as a Satanist and learning occult nonsense that only brought me closer to destruction. I am thankful to the Lord Jesus Christ for bringing me out of the darkness and back into the light, before it was too late.
What made me decide to turn back to the Lord and follow Him again? To cut a long story short, about 6 weeks ago, I started having doubts about Satanism after watching YouTube videos and reading blogs by ex-occultists, ex-Satanists and other material about Satanism from a Christian viewpoint, which prompted me to question my beliefs.
I also got myself a KJV Bible and started to read it. I came across these two passages :
2 Timothy 3:1-5, “This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come. For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy, Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good, Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God; Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.”
And 1 Timothy 4:1, “Now the Spirit speaketh expressly, that in the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils.”
Those Bible verses spoke straight into my spirit and I was overwhelmed by a strong desire to do something that I hadn’t done in a very long time—pray.
I asked God to reveal Himself to me if He was real. Sure enough, that very same day, I experienced a shift in consciousness and I felt something that was hindering my sight, lifted from my eyes and I began to see clearly again.
A sudden and dramatic change took place and I found myself on my knees repenting to God. I came to my senses and realised how foolish I had been in turning my back on Jesus and following my evil desires and false doctrines.
Some reading this might be thinking that I don’t deserve another chance because I disgraced the Lord Jesus Christ by falling away from Him, after first receiving the truth and His mercy, only to then go and throw it back in His face.
You’re right, I don’t. But thankfully the Lord is an amazing God who forgives sin (1 John 1:9). There isn’t anyone more disgusted with myself than me. The Lord has given me a great lesson in humility!
This time, in my heart, I know that I’ll never leave Jesus, nor forsake Him—as He has already proven to me to have done likewise. This time, I’m staying in the battlefield to fight the good fight of faith—even if my own troops turn against me—until death.
I give all glory and praise to the Lord of lords and King of kings—Jesus Christ!”
Laura’s Note :
This testimony was kindly sent to me by a man who had read some posts on my blog and contacted me to share he had recently returned to Jesus. You can imagine how delighted I was to hear this wonderful news.
I found it interesting that demon possessed people, including a Spiritualist Medium would manifest demons when they saw him. I’ve often heard of this and experienced it too. I agree it’s another sign how demonic spirits hate and fear the living God and His presence within those who walk closely with Jesus.
We both pray his story will cause any Satanists that may read it, to rethink their beliefs and open their hearts to receive the love and forgiveness of Jesus.
If this post has touched you and you want to ask Jesus to become your Saviour, please read the suggested prayer on this link.